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Muslim reports from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet said Imam:  
“By the One in Whose hand is my soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his bed, and she  refuses him, but the One Who is in heaven will be angry with her, until the husband is pleased with her once more.” 

  
The angels’ curse will befall every woman who is rebellious and disobedient; this does not  exclude those who are too slow and reluctant to respond to their husbands:  
“Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will curse those procrastinating women who, when their husbands call them to their beds, say ‘I will, I will . . .’ until he falls asleep.” 

    
Marriage in Islam is intended to protect the chastity of men and women alike, therefore it is  the woman’s duty to respond to her husband’s requests for conjugal relations. She should not  give silly excuses and try to avoid it. For this reason, several hadeeth urge a wife to respond  to her husband’s needs as much as she is able, no matter how busy she may be or whatever  obstacles there may be, so long as there is no urgent or unavoidable reason not to do so. 

 
In one of these hadeeth, the Prophet  said:  
“If a man calls his wife to his bed, let her respond, even if she is riding her camel [i.e., very busy].”

And:  
“If a man calls his wife, then let her come, even if she is busy at the oven.”21 
The issue of protecting a man’s chastity and keeping him away from temptation is more  important than anything else that a woman can do, because Islam wants men and women  alike to live in an environment which is entirely pure and free from any motive of fitnah  or  haraam  pleasures. The flames of sexual desire and thoughts of pursuing them through  haraam  means can only be extinguished by means of discharging that natural energy in  natural and lawful ways. This is what the Prophet  meant in the hadeeth narrated by  Muslim from Jabir:  
“If anyone of you is attracted to a woman, let him go to his wife and have intercourse with her, for that will calm him down.”

The warning given to the woman whose husband is angry with her reaches such an extent  that it would shake the conscience of every righteous wife who has faith in Allah (subhaanahu  wa ‘ta’aalaa) and the Last Day: she is told that her prayer and good deeds will not be  accepted, until her husband is pleased with her again. This is stated in the hadeeth narrated  by Jabir from ‘Abdullah:  
“The Messenger of Allah  said: ‘There are three people whose prayers will not be  accepted, neither their good works: a disobedient slave until he returns to his masters and  puts his hand in theirs; a woman whose husband is angry with her, until he is pleased with her again; and the drunkard, until he becomes sober.’”  

 
When these hadeeth refer to the husband being angry with his wife, they refer to cases in  which the husband is right and the wife is wrong. When the opposite is the case, and the  husband is wrong, then his anger has no negative implications for her; in fact, Allah  (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will reward the wife for her patience. But the wife is still required to  obey her husband, so long as no sin is involved, because there should be no obedience to a  created being if it entails disobedience to the Creator. Concerning this, the Prophet  said:  
“It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) to allow  anyone into her husband’s house whom he dislikes; or to go out when he does not want her  to; or to obey anyone else against him; or to forsake his bed; or to hit him. If he is wrong, then  let her come to him until he is pleased with her, and if he accepts her then all is well, Allah  (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will accept her deeds and make her position stronger, and there will be no sin on her. If he does not accept her, then at least she will have done her best and excused herself in the sight of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa).”

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The Sahaabah, may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) be pleased with them, and those who  followed them understood this Islamic teaching and transmitted it from the Prophet. When  a bride was prepared for marriage, she would be told to serve her husband and take care of  his rights. Thus the Muslim woman knew her duties towards her husband, and down through  the ages caring for her husband and being a good wife were established womanly attributes.  One example of this is what was said by the faqih  al-Hanbali ibn al-Jawzi in his book  Ahkam  al-Nisa’  (p. 331): In the second century AH there was a righteous man called Shu‘ayb ibn  Harb, who used to fast and spend his nights in prayer. He wanted to marry a woman, and told  her humbly, “I am a bad-tempered man.” She replied, tactfully and cleverly, “The one who  makes you lose your temper is worse than you.” He realized that there stood before him a  woman who was intelligent, wise and mature. He immediately said to her, “You will be my  wife.” 

 
This woman had a clear understanding of how to be a good wife, which confirmed to the man  who had come to seek her hand that she was a woman who would understand the  psychology and nature of her husband and would know what would please him and what  would make him angry; she would be able to win his heart and earn his admiration and  respect, and would close the door to every possible source of conflict that could disrupt their  married life. The woman who does not understand these realities does not deserve to be a  successful wife; through her ignorance and shortcomings she may provoke her husband to  lose his temper, in which case, she would be worse than him, for being the direct cause of his  anger. 

 
The tactful Muslim woman is never like this. She helps her husband to be of good character,  by displaying different types of intelligence, cleverness and alertness in the way she deals  with him. This opens his heart to her and makes him fond of her, because being a good wife  is a not only a quality that she may boast about among her friends, but it is also a religious  obligation for which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will call her to account: if she has done  well, she will be rewarded, but if she has fallen short she will have to pay the penalty. 

   
One of the most important ways in which the Muslim woman obeys her husband is by  respecting his wishes with regard to the permissible pleasures of daily life, such as social  visits, food, dress, speech, etc. The more she responds to his wishes in such matters, the  happier and more enjoyable the couple’s life becomes, and the closer it is to the spirit and  teachings of Islam. 
  
The Muslim woman does not forget that her obedience to her husband is one of the things  that may lead her to Paradise, as the Prophet  said:  
“If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys her  husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.’”

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said: “The Messenger of Allah 15 her, will enter Paradise.’” said: ‘Any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with 
The Prophet  draw a clear and delightful picture of the well-behaved, easy-going, loving,  righteous Muslim wife, one who will be happy in this world and the next:  
“Shall I not tell you about your wives in Paradise?” We said, “Of course, O Messenger of  Allah.” He said, “They are fertile and loving. If she becomes angry or is mistreated, or her  husband becomes angry, she says, ‘My hand is in your hand; I shall never sleep until you are pleased with me.’” 

   
The true Muslim woman knows that Islam, which has multiplied her reward for obeying her  husband and made it a means of her admittance to Paradise, has also warned every woman  who deviates from the path of marital obedience and neglects to take care of her husband,  that she will be guilty of sin, and will incur the wrath and curses of the angels. 

 
Al-Bukhaari and Muslim report from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until the morning.” 

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the wife of ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib (RAA). She used to complain of the pain in her hands caused by  grinding grain with the hand-mill. Her husband ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib said to her one day, “Your  father has brought some female slaves, so go and ask him for one of them to come and serve  you.” She went to her father, but she felt too shy to ask him for what she wanted. ‘Ali went  and asked him to provide a servant for his beloved daughter, but the Prophet  could not  respond to those who most dear to him whilst ignoring the needs of the poor among the  Muslims, so he came to his daughter and her husband and said: “Shall I not teach you  something that is better than that for which you asked me? When you go to bed at night, say  ‘Subhaan Allah’ thirty-three times, ‘Al-hamdu lillaah’ thirty-three times, and ‘Allahu akbar’  thirty-four times. This is better for you than a servant.”

  
Then he bid them farewell and left, after giving them this divine help which would make them  forget their tiredness and help them to overcome their exhaustion. 

 
‘Ali (RAA) began to repeat the words that the Prophet  had taught him. He said, “I never  stopped doing that after he had taught me these words.” One of his companions asked him, “Not even on the night of Siffin?” He said, “Not even on the night of Siffin.”  

  
Asma’ bint Abi Bakr al-Siddiq served her husband al-Zubayr, and took care of the house. Her  husband had a horse, which she took care of, feeding it and exercising it. She also repaired  the water-bucket, made bread, and carried dates on her head from far away. Al-Bukhaari and  Muslim report this in her own words:

  
“Al-Zubayr married me, and he had no wealth, no slaves, nothing except his horse. I used to  feed his horse, looking after it and exercising it. I crushed date-stones to feed his camel. I  used to bring water and repair the bucket, and I used to make bread but I could not bake it, so  some of my Ansari  neighbors, who were kind women, used to bake it for me. I used to carry  the dates from the garden that the Prophet  had given to al-Zubayr on my head, and this  garden was two-thirds of a farsakh  away. One day I was coming back with the dates on my  head. I met the Messenger of Allah, who had a group of his Companions with him. He called  me, then told his camel to sit down so that I could ride behind him. I told (al-Zubayr), ‘I felt  shy, because I know that you are a jealous man.’ He said, ‘It is worse for me to see you  carrying the dates on your head than to see you riding behind him.’ Later, Abu Bakr sent me a  servant, who relieved me of having to take care of the horse; it was as if I had been released from slavery.”  

  
The true Muslim woman devotes herself to taking care of her house and husband. She knows  her husband’s rights over her, and how great they are, as was confirmed by the Prophet’s  words:  
“No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would  have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them.”
 

And:  
“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.” 

  
‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) asked the Messenger of Allah  : “Who has the  greatest rights over a woman?” He said, “Her husband.” She asked, ‘And who has the greatest rights over a man?” He said, “His mother.” 

  
A woman came to ask the Prophet  about some matter, and when he had dealt with it,  he asked her, “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He asked her, “How are you  with him?” She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me.” He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.” 

      
How can the Muslim woman complain about taking care of her house and husband when she  hears these words of Prophetic guidance? She should fulfill her household duties and take  care of her husband in a spirit of joy, because she is not carrying a tiresome burden, she is  doing work in her home that she knows will bring reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa  ‘ta’aalaa).  
 

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In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a  stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place. 

 
Among the great Muslim women who are known for their strength of character, lofty  aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who  was one of the first Ansaar  women to embrace Islam. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar,  and bore him a son, Anas. When she embraced Islam, her husband Malik was angry with her,  and left her, but she persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his  death, and she was still in the flower of her youth. She bore it all with the hope of reward, for  the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), and devoted herself to taking care of her ten- year-old son Anas. She took him to the Prophet  , so that he could serve him (and learn  from him). 

 
One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best looking, richest and strongest, came  to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah - before he became Muslim. Many of the  young women of Yathrib liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks,  and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his  astonishment, she told him, “O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship  is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu so-and- so.” He said, “Of course.” She said, “Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece  of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of Banu so-and-so?” Abu  Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she  persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: “O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not  be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted  for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr), and I would ask you for nothing more.”   

He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift,  but she stood firm, and her persistence and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes.  She said to him, “O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was  carved by the carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn.” Her  words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, "Does the Lord burn?" Then he  uttered the words: “Ashhadu an laa ilaaha ill-Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul- Allah.” 

 
Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, “O Anas, marry  me to Abu Talhah.” So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized. 

 
Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym’s  disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told  him, “O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), and I will  not take any other dowry.” She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only  win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa  ‘ta’aalaa) that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this world,  as she had heard the Prophet  say:  
“If Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) were to guide one person to Islam through you, it is better for you than owning red camels.” 

  
Such great Muslim women are examples worthy of emulation, from whom Muslim women  may learn purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom in choosing a  husband. 

 
She is obedient to her husband and shows him respect   
The true Muslim woman is always obedient to her husband, provided that no sin is involved.  She is respectful towards him and is always eager to please him and make him happy. If he is  poor, she does not complain about his being unable to spend much. She does not complain  about her housework, because she remembers that many of the virtuous women in Islamic  history set an example of patience, goodness and a positive attitude in serving their husbands  and taking care of their homes despite the poverty and hardships they faced. One of the  foremost of these exemplary wives is Fatimah al-Zahra’, the daughter of Muhammad  and 

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Let those stubborn, hard-hearted fathers who oppress their own daughters listen to the  teaching of the Prophet! 

 
The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct  standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good  looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women.  She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behavior, because these  are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching  indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman  to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah  and corruption become  widespread in society:  
“If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your  daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah  and mischief will become  widespread on earth.”
 

Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up  in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be  attracted to stupid “play-boy” types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be  attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose  behavior is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No one is a suitable partner  for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no one is a suitable partner  for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (subhaanahu wa  ‘ta’aalaa) has said:  
Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of  purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . (Qur’aan  24:26)  
  
This does not mean that the Muslim woman should completely ignore the matter of physical  appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is her right - as stated above - to  marry a man for whom her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to her both in his  appearance and in his conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner  nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects,  one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim woman is never dazzled by  outward appearances, and she never lets them distract her from seeing the essence of a  potential spouse.  
The Muslim woman knows that the man has the right of qiwaamah  over her, as the Qur’aan  says: 
(Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwaamun] of women, because Allah has  given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from  their means . . .)  (Qur’aan 4:34) 
  
Hence she wants to marry a man of whose qiwaamah  over her she will feel proud, one whom  she will be happy to marry and never regret it. She wants a man who will take her hand in his  and set out to fulfill their life’s mission of establishing a Muslim family and raising a new  generation of intelligent and caring children, in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will  not be impeded by conflicting attitudes or religious differences. Believing men and believing  women are supposed to walk side-by-side on the journey of life, which is a serious matter for  the believer, so that they may fulfill the great mission with which Allah (subhaanahu wa  ‘ta’aalaa) has entrusted mankind, men and women alike, as the Qur’aan says:  
(For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and  women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient,  for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity,  for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard  their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah’s praise - for them  has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.)  (Qur’aan 33:35)   
 

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“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the  Messenger of Allah  . He said to me: ‘Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, ‘I do  not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, ‘Then this marriage is invalid, go  and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, ‘I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I  wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).’”    
At first, the Prophet  told al-Khansa’ to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because  the concern of fathers for their daughters’ well being is well known. But when he realized that  her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to  choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an  unwanted marriage.

  
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a  man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility  between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical  looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman  feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of  disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a  divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas,  Jamilah the sister of ‘Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet  and said: “O Messenger of  Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behavior, but I hate  to commit any act of kufr  when I am a Muslim. The Prophet  said: “Will you give his garden  back to him?” - her mahr  had been a garden. She said, “Yes.” So the Messenger of Allah sent  word to him: “Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce.”
  
According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn ‘Abbas, she said, “I do not blame Thabit  for anything with regard to his religion or his behavior, but I do not like him.”  
Islam has protected woman’s pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard  to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable  for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not  like.  

There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah, an Ethiopian slave-girl who  belonged to ‘Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to marry another slave whose name was  Mughith. She would never have accepted him as a husband if she had been in control of her  own affairs. ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) took pity on her, so she bought her and  set her free. Then this young woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs,  and that she could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce.  Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Al-Bukhaari quotes Ibn  ‘Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her marriage to  someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet  commented on this moving sight, and  sought to intervene. Ibn ‘Abbas said:  
“Barirah’s husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him,  running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet  said  to ‘Abbas, ‘O ‘Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how  much Barirah hates Mughith?’ The Prophet  said (to Barirah), ‘Why do you not go back  to him?’ She said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me to do so?’ He said, ‘I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.’ She said, ‘I have no need of him.’”

The Prophet  was deeply moved by this display of human emotion: deep and  overwhelming love on the part of the husband, and equally powerful hatred on the part of the  wife. He could not help but remind the wife, and ask her why she did not go back to him, as  he was her husband and the father of her child. This believing woman asked him, whether he  was ordering her to do so: was this a command, a binding obligation? The Prophet  , this  great law-giver and educator, replied that he was merely trying to intercede and bring about  reconciliation if possible; he was not trying to force anybody to do something they did not wish  to. Let those stubborn, hard-hearted fathers who oppress their own daughters listen to the teaching of the Prophet.

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Marriage in Islam

   
In Islam, marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman, in which each  becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co- operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds  tranquility, contentment and comfort in the company of the other. The Qur’aan has described  this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and  compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms: 

 
(And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves,  that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between  your [hearts] . . . (Qur’aan 30:21) 

  
This is the strongest of bonds, in which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) unites the two  Muslim partners, who come together on the basis of love, understanding, co-operation and  mutual advice, and establish a Muslim family in which children will live and grow up, and they  will develop the good character and behavior taught by Islam. The Muslim family is the  strongest component of a Muslim society when its members are productive and constructive,  helping and encouraging one another to be good and righteous, and competing with one  another in good works.

  
The righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone and foundation of the Muslim family. She is  seen as the greatest joy in a man’s life, as the Prophet  said:
“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.”   
  
A righteous woman is the greatest blessing that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) can give to a  man, for with her he can find comfort and rest after the exhausting struggle of earning a living.  With his wife, he can find incomparable tranquility and pleasure. 

 
How can a woman be the best comfort in this world? How can she be a successful woman,  true to her own femininity, and honored and loved? This is what will be explained in the  following pages:

  
She chooses a good husband  

 
One of the ways in which Islam has honored woman is by giving her the right to choose her  husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim  woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when  a potential suitor comes along, because they have her best interests at heart, and they have  more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because  of her father’s wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone  she dislikes. 

 
There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report  quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:  
 

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER HUSBAND

Background of the posts

Dear Viewer,

The Heavenly Women in Islam is being published to offer some concepts and ideas regarding the women in the religion Islam. In this blog we are going to publish the contents of a few ebooks whose publication right has been obtained from the main publisher The Islamic Bulletin, San Francisco, CA. We hope the posts of this blog will purify the knowledge regarding the women in the mind of both of the Muslims and Non-Muslims. Thank you.

-Syed Ashraful Ferdous