Tuesday, October 1, 2013

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“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the  Messenger of Allah  . He said to me: ‘Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, ‘I do  not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, ‘Then this marriage is invalid, go  and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, ‘I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I  wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).’”    
At first, the Prophet  told al-Khansa’ to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because  the concern of fathers for their daughters’ well being is well known. But when he realized that  her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to  choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an  unwanted marriage.
  
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a  man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility  between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical  looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman  feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of  disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a  divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas,  Jamilah the sister of ‘Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet  and said: “O Messenger of  Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behavior, but I hate  to commit any act of kufr  when I am a Muslim. The Prophet  said: “Will you give his garden  back to him?” - her mahr  had been a garden. She said, “Yes.” So the Messenger of Allah sent  word to him: “Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce.”
  
According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn ‘Abbas, she said, “I do not blame Thabit  for anything with regard to his religion or his behavior, but I do not like him.”  
Islam has protected woman’s pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard  to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable  for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not  like.  

There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah, an Ethiopian slave-girl who  belonged to ‘Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to marry another slave whose name was  Mughith. She would never have accepted him as a husband if she had been in control of her  own affairs. ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) took pity on her, so she bought her and  set her free. Then this young woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs,  and that she could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce.  Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Al-Bukhaari quotes Ibn  ‘Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her marriage to  someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet  commented on this moving sight, and  sought to intervene. Ibn ‘Abbas said:  
“Barirah’s husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him,  running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet  said  to ‘Abbas, ‘O ‘Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how  much Barirah hates Mughith?’ The Prophet  said (to Barirah), ‘Why do you not go back  to him?’ She said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me to do so?’ He said, ‘I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.’ She said, ‘I have no need of him.’”

The Prophet  was deeply moved by this display of human emotion: deep and  overwhelming love on the part of the husband, and equally powerful hatred on the part of the  wife. He could not help but remind the wife, and ask her why she did not go back to him, as  he was her husband and the father of her child. This believing woman asked him, whether he  was ordering her to do so: was this a command, a binding obligation? The Prophet  , this  great law-giver and educator, replied that he was merely trying to intercede and bring about  reconciliation if possible; he was not trying to force anybody to do something they did not wish  to. Let those stubborn, hard-hearted fathers who oppress their own daughters listen to the teaching of the Prophet.

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